I coached a client last week who was stuck. She'd recently been notified that her job was being dissolved and she was struggling to figure out her next step.

In the course of talking with her, she made two common statements that, if she's not careful, will completely undermine her career decision-making process:

1. "My mentor thinks I should go into X job and I just wonder if I should do that because that's the path I've been on?"

2. "I just don't think I want to live in that state because my family is all there and I don't know that I can handle the relational dynamics."

What's the danger?

1. This first statement uses a simple, yet ugly little word -- "should." When we make decisions based on "shoulds," we are making decisions based on extrinsic factors -- peer pressure, parental expectations, money, or some other element. The danger of extrinsic motivators is that they will always disappoint in the long term. If you get a job because your mentor thinks you should, they will go on with their life and you'll wake up stuck in a job you hate. "Should" begs the question "according to whom?" In other words, what or who is the standard you are trying to live up to, not disappoint, or satisfy?

2. This second statement is an example of foreclosing an entire geographic location, industry, or career path because of an isolated experience. "I once had a bad experience with a friend in Seattle so I really don't want to live in Washington." Or, "I get that I'm a good listener but I don't want to be a counselor because I don't want to listen to people's problems all day." As if there is only one kind of counselor, and it's the kind that listens to problems all day. Not all counselors deal with drama, not all lawyers do try cases, not all bankers are on Wall Street, and not all teachers work with kindergartners. When you foreclose an entire field because of a bad experience, you miss out on potentially congruent options that would otherwise provide immense satisfaction.

So do these factors not matter at all?

As I told this client, let those be factors, but not drivers in the decision-making process.

Consider them, but don't put them in position 1, 2, or 3.

What should be in the first positions when making a career decision? In my opinion:

1. Talents. Will I get to do what I do best every day and get paid to do it? If so, you could take a job in Antarctica and learn to love it, because you are getting paid money to do what you do best!

2. Values. Does the organization share my core beliefs? Does the manager as well? If so, you will avoid values conflict, which is at the root of most discontent in career.

3. Environment. Do I like the culture? The location? And is it in a place I want to live? If yes, then don't hesitate to take the job.

Then and only then should you look at salary, geography, proximity to your ex, or any other factor. Again, these things matter, but not in the first position (or second or third).

...gets you into the circus, but doesn't guarantee you a seat."

I love this statement from a client I recently coached. His career path was all over the map, quite literally. He lived in 5 states, worked all kinds of jobs from a winery to a chemical company, and still felt totally lost.

We talked about his degree, and why he had originally picked the major he chose. As is common, it was somewhat arbitrary, based on a gut feel and his parent's influence.

He was feeling a bit of remorse that he didn't end up in a career path that aligned with his studies, but his statement above is the key: your degree simply adds credibility, and sometimes nothing more.

And guess what? That's ok.

Ideally, your college major would prepare you for a long and happy life as a X in X industry. Then again, most of us are choosing our majors when we have no clue what to choose or how to even go about making that decision.

If you're like my client, or like a friend I coached years ago who got his MBA "for nothing," fear not -- the degree is valuable in that it gets you into the door.

What matters once you're "in the circus?" Your talents. Talents that will take you from here to there.

People hire people who are specialists -- highly-skilled in specific areas. If you want to guarantee yourself a good seat, get clear about what you do best and do more of that.

Where should you start to figure this out? Finish these statements, then look for the common themes about what you do best:

• A recent time when I was at my best was . . .
• What I enjoy doing the most is . . .
• My most fulfilling experience was . . .
• The best job or project I ever had was . . .
• The things I like best about myself are . . .
• In all of my schooling, the subjects I thrived the most in were . . .

Recently my wife and I came to grips with the fact that neither of us has an eye for interior design. Our house is a random mishmash of patterns, designs, fabrics, and styles.

So we got a recommendation from a friend for a local interior designer.

Our process for vetting the designer was telling. First, my wife logged onto Facebook and looked her up. "She looks cute," she said, "and she's got style."

"Oh! That's good!" I said, hovering over her shoulder.

Next, we logged onto her website and looked through her portfolio, which had four samples.

"Seems legit," I said.

"Yeah, I like her designs," my wife said.

Finally, we looked at her "About" section on her website, where she proclaimed herself "a well-rounded student of Art History and Interior Design." (Note: she proclaimed herself.)

"Great! Let's give her a call and set up an appointment to learn more!" I said.

Done.

Now, this may say more about us and our superficial vetting process than it does about her, but I don't think so. In reality, I don't actually care if she's got the degree, a long track record, or a beefy portfolio.

I care that she came recommended from a friend, she's done it before, and she doesn't look or seem crazy.

Think about it: when you hired a mechanic, did you ask for their degree? Track record? Probably not. You probably looked at their testimonials.

How about your dentist? Did you ask how many patients they've served in the past 5 years? Did you ask to see before and after shots of past work? Probably not.

Legitimacy is an interesting thing. It's actually relatively easy to establish. Serve a customer, get a testimonial, show a passion for what you do, and publicize that passion. Don't be crazy, serve people to the best of your ability, and offer an outstanding product at a great price.

You don't have to have a degree, a long track record, and a published book to be credible.

See, credibility is more about you than it is about us.

We -- the people you serve --  don't need it as much as you think we do.

Credibility is the reason people will pursue additional degrees, certifications, etc. Every MBA I've ever coached is really getting their MBA for credibility, not for the interesting content.

Interestingly, we pursue these things more to convince OURSELVES that we're legit than to convince others...as usual, we are our own worst enemies...

To be clear, I'm not antagonistic against furthering your education or getting certified, but I think it's more for you than for us. That's ok. Do whatever you need to in order to feel legit, but don't delay offering what you have to the world until you feel legit.

Paradoxically, legitimacy comes from offering what you have to the world in spite of feeling like you lack credibility. Your offering makes you credible, not your dossier.

Two years ago my close friend came to me to figure out his career path.

“What do you really want to do?” I asked.

“I want to be the trusted advisor that helps people make good financial decisions,” he said.

We brainstormed some ways to do that, including networking with people, launching a few projects, and building a client base.

Over the past two years I’ve watched him chip away at this plan from different angles…a lunch meeting here, a project pitch there. Nothing seemed to be gaining traction.

Then, last week he told me that he was gaining significant traction and things were about ready to take off. I was thrilled for him, and he was ecstatic that it was happening.

During a pause in the conversation, I asked him what had changed. “What shifted to make this happen? What did you do to go from ‘stuck’ to ‘all in’ and making it happen?”

I fully expected him to say something like “it just took the right deal coming along” or “it’s all about patience” but he caught me off guard.

“It was a fear thing,” he said.

“Fear? Fear of what?!” I asked.

He said he had to overcome this internal resistance — this fear — that he lacked credibility, that no one would listen because he didn’t have a long track record, and that he wasn’t a legitimate contender in his space.

"Really? That’s what was holding you back?” I asked.

“Yep. Do I really know enough? Am I going to lose people’s money? Do I belong?"

Fear.

He’s an interesting case study because his experience is like almost every other entrepreneur I coach. When you launch out on your own, your knowledge, skills, and content don’t seem all that unique. Sometimes this is because you developed your expertise alongside many others who have the same or better knowledge, skills, or content. But when you take what you know and do well to the people, you eventually learn the old maxim is true, “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” When you were among other one-eyed men, you weren’t so unique. But what you have to offer the blind is what makes all the difference.

So how do you break through this type of fear, this credibility trap?

In talking with my friend, the secret was small wins. Small victories that built his confidence and helped him feel like he belonged. I can relate. When I started Proof, a small contract here and a gig there gave me hope that this business could work out. I did anything I could to legitimize myself as a contender. Even publishing RESET was a way to show that I belonged, to build credibility, and to build my brand.

If you feel stuck or find yourself asking “who am I to do this?” then find a way to build your momentum and confidence through a series of small wins — a conversation here, a project there. Do anything you can to establish a track record and catalyze opportunity.

And remember: you don’t have to know it all. You simply need to know more than the audience you aim to serve.
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In fact, the ones who make it seem to take upon themselves a mantle of credibility that is mostly self-created.

I got an email this week from my friend, John, who is in the midst of a career RESET. He forwarded along a picture his dad had sent him that shows a Venn diagram based on a Japanese concept I had never heard of call "Ikigai." I don't know who created the chart, although there's a small citation in the bottom corner. I've discussed something similar in the past, but this chart adds a new dimension:

So how did I use it just now? As a reflection tool. Take anything you spend your time doing. For me, I used "leadership curriculum development" as my first "filter." My answers are in bold. Now ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do you love it? No.
2. Are you good at it? Yes.
3. Can you be paid for it (or have you been paid for it)? Yes.
4. Does the world need it (like, actually need it -- not "I think the world needs it but the world doesn't yet know it")? Yes.

Sure enough, developing leadership curriculum is a comfortable activity that can leave me with a feeling of emptiness. I'm ok with that, because it financially fuels other ventures that are much more Ikigai.

Another way I used the chart was to take something I spend time doing and figure out which of the five "feelings" it leaves me with. For this one, I took "career/life coaching."

1. Satisfied, but feeling of uselessness? No, definitely feels useful.
2. Delight and fulness, but no wealth? No, I've created wealth doing it.
3. Comfortable, but feeling of emptiness? No, feels fulfilling.
4. Excitement and complacency, but sense of uncertainty? No complacency.
5. Reason for being? YES! I exist to help people maximize their potential. It's something I love that I'm good at that the world needs and that I get paid for. It's my IKIGAI.

Give it a go. Pick something you do, anything you spend time on, and use it as your filter. After figuring out which circle it belongs in, ask yourself the following:

1. Am I ok with the result?
2. Am I spending the majority of my time living outside my vocation or my Ikigai?
3. Am I clear about my Ikigai and am I working toward it?

Finally, if you need help identifying your Ikigai, hit me up! It's my Ikigai.

Recently I was interviewing candidates on behalf of a client and I ended each interview with this question:

"If you had to state your life purpose in 7 words or less, what would it be?”

Candidates were overwhelmed. They hemmed and hawed and stalled for time. I would then bail them out, admit that it was a difficult question and encourage them to just take their best stab at it. Don’t overthink it — just state it.

Thing is, they nailed it every time.

• “I exist to create structure in chaos.”
• “I exist to make things better.”
• “I exist to help people realize they are capable of doing anything.”

That last one broke the 7-word rule, but it’s powerful regardless.

They spoke from their heart, and there was almost no redundancy. Each person had a unique purpose. More importantly, their purpose is what motivated them to apply.

These purpose statements hold power and one thing I’ve learned in helping clients define their core purpose is that it pulls them. Purpose pulls you through difficulty, doubt, and rejection. It makes you more resilient, confident, and motivated. When you don’t know what to do, work toward your purpose.

So what is purpose?

Purpose is simply your intention to contribute, your desire to add value to the world. It’s the “why” for your existence and the motivating force that moves you forward.

Purpose (or lack thereof) is the reason you sometimes feel flat. When you are misaligned with your purpose or are ignoring it altogether, you feel disconnected. It’s also the force that keeps you moving when you feel fear.

How do you find your purpose?

Chances are you probably already know it. A few things that it is, and one thing that it’s not:

Purpose is...

• Always BIG, like so big you can’t solve it in a lifetime.
• Succinct, like 7 words or less.
• Often in your past, not your future. Purpose often comes from an experience that made you saw, “Wow. Everyone needs to experience that!” or, more likely, from an experience that makes you say, “Man, that was brutal. I don’t want anyone else to every go through that.” Purpose makes you want to dedicate your life to ensuring others do…or don’t…experience what you experienced.

It’s NOT...

• “I exist to help people.” It’s got to be more specific than that. Oil change garages exist to help people. Banks help people. Restaurants help people. Almost everyone and everything exists to help people.

What’s YOUR purpose?

(Hint: it’s unique, but not unique only to you. For example, I exist to maximize human potential. I’m sure others do as well, but no one does it in the way I do it. And I don’t do what they do. It will take many people making inputs into that purpose to bring it to fruition. That’s ok!)

I have a client who is good at math. Always has been. As far back as she can remember she’s done well in math classes. But she was puzzled when I asked her, “Yeah, but do you enjoy it?”

She thought about it for a moment, then asked, “Do people always enjoy what they’re good at?”

Interesting question.

No, people don’t always enjoy what they’re good at. You could excel at writing, speaking, organizing, calculating, analyzing, or any other skill but dread it, loathe doing it, and feel exhausted once it’s complete.

This is one of the great traps of career — people get hired, paid, and even promoted for being great at something they don’t enjoy. They feel that just because they have aptitude in something they should pursue it and make it 80% of what they do.

I’m not interested in spending my days getting paid to do something that drains me.

What I’m looking for when I coach clients is talent, which is defined as something that makes you feel strong. I’m seeking those innate abilities that release energy, motivate you, make you feel fluid and powerful, and keep you coming back time and again. I’m interested in those natural aptitudes that you do better than most other people and that set you apart from the general populous.

Talents are the foundation of a satisfying career.

Can you spend all of your time in your talent? No. Every job has aspects you will love and loathe. But the goal should be to spend the majority of your time — if not 80% of it — living in your strength.

Do people always enjoy what they’re good at? No. But all people are hard-wired with things they’re good at that they also enjoy, and those things are the key to getting paid and loving what you do.

If you subscribe to the blog, you’ve noticed a famine in the land of career posts over the past four weeks.

I took a break.

Breaks are an interesting way to test a passion. If you take a break from thinking about or working on your passion for two weeks or more, but find that you actually can’t stop thinking about it or wanting to work on it then it must be a true passion. True passions never go away. Our drive for them may ebb and flow, but they never depart. It’s like they are woven into our being, constantly wanting attention and find their way to the forefront of our minds.

If you’re not sure if you are really passionate, take a break from it. Did it go away? If not, it’s a true passion.

This also means you’ve got to do something about it.

If, on the other hand, you take a break from it for some time and either a) never pick it back up or b) feel relieved to not be working on it, it’s likely not a passion. It may be a hobby, interest or — worse yet — an obligation or something you feel duty-driven to do.

There’s a place for those things in our lives, but they shouldn’t be the core of our work. I’m not passionate about running or swimming or exercising, but I know it helps me. I’m not passionate about reading, but it’s beneficial to my growth.

I am, however, passionate about helping people figure out what to do with their lives and go do it. I’m constantly thinking about the system to figure it out and I’m hyperaware of extrinsic forces that pull people away from their intrinsic motives. I listen for it conversations, subscribe to podcasts that teach it, and think about it a lot.

Not sure if you’ve found a passion?

​Take a break from it and see what happens.

A few weeks back I was preparing for a team retreat I was leading when I came across a power question that caused me to stop and think:

If you had your work life to live over, at what point would you have chosen a different path that would have led you to more success and happiness?

Has that point come for you? Are you at it now? What's stopping you from pursuing more success and happiness today?

…anymore than the key to getting out of debt is to sell your house and everything you own to pay off credit cards.

You’d never do the latter, so don’t leap right to the former when things feel rough at work.

First, figure out why you're stuck.

How?

I had a client call me in a flurry this past week.

“I feel stuck,” she said.

I understand. I’ve been there. I started to poke and prod, trying to identify the core issue.

"What caused the stuckness?” I asked.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling you.”

"When did you start feeling it?” I asked.

“It’s always been there, I think.”

"Ok, let’s try this: what things have you enjoyed doing in the past few weeks and which ones have drained your energy?” I asked.

“I don’t know how to answer that. I go back and forth constantly.”

"Hmm. Ok. Let’s go deeper. Are you in the right arena? (see here.)" I asked.

“I’m not sure. Sometimes I see big problems I want to solve that have nothing to do with my industry, like making a more well-designed women’s high heel.”

At this point, I was feeling stuck. She was stuck and so was I. Then it dawned on me.

"Have you looked at your Profile of Self?” I asked.

“What’s that?” she replied.

I reminded her that the Profile is a one-page document, a snapshot of who she is when she’s at her best. It’s her North Star. And if she’s feeling incongruent, it’s likely because she’s drifted from her best self. Role creep is a real thing, meaning we inch away from what we were hired to do and toward something totally different.

I sent her the Profile we created for her during a moment of clarity more than a year ago and she responded back, “That’s exactly what I needed. Thank you.”

The Profile is the key. When you're feeling stuck, get clear about why by reviewing your Profile of Self and identifying whether it's a values, talents, or environments thing, then address the core issue.

If it's values, you're not likely to shift the values of your manager or organization and it may be time to start searching.

If it's talents, figure out what you like to do and do more of it. Also, figure out where you feel blocked and address it.

If it's environments, what's out of whack and how can you change it? By the way, environments are the easiest to change or alter. If you like dynamic work, get out of the office more. If you need more light, sit by a window. If you love to collaborate, find a thought partner.

Don't jump right to "I quit" when things feel flat. Analyze why, diagnose the core issue, then make the change!

A few weeks back I attended a Sunday School class where the teacher cited a YouTube video he’d seen of an interview with a billionaire. He didn’t say who it was, but the name was less important than the principle he taught.

The interviewer asked the billionaire a question like “what makes you different? Why are you a billionaire when others aren’t?”

The billionaire replied simply, “One thing all billionaires have in common is that when they hear an idea they act.”

For most of us, when we have an idea or hear about an opportunity we reflect, deliberate, consult our friends and family, make a list of pros and cons, reflect some more, address our fears and anxieties, wonder if it will work, and maybe eventually act. Although more often than not we don’t act.

The key to generating more momentum and experiencing more success in your work and your life is to reduce the space between hearing and acting, or between having an idea and doing something about it.

Now, with this newfound “bias for action” you may also experience more failure and disappointment. Things might not work out. You may give it a go and try your best only to have it fall flat, blow up in your face, or never gain traction.

But there is great comfort and a sense of closure in having tried and failed, rather than having never tried at all.

So what ideas do you have? What recurring thoughts have inspired you to try something new, do something different, or create something from nothing?

And what are you waiting for?

Actually, don’t answer that...

Just go and do.

The first step to narrowing down the millions of careers you could pursue is to pick the right arena.

Over the past three weeks, I’ve had three career coaching clients come to me feeling stuck. I’ve used the following admittedly rudimentary and incomplete analogy to help them sort it through.

Think of career options as two arenas across the street from one another — the human-oriented arena and the thing-oriented arena. These arenas are huge. Massive. And they can seat millions of people.

The Human-Oriented Arena
Each arena is focused on something different. You walk into one arena and it’s all human-oriented fields — think social work, counseling, training, coaching, teaching, customer service, etc. Inside that arena there are floor seats, mid-level seats, and box seats. Those on the floor are doing direct-impact, human work. Think counseling a client. Higher up are those who do both theoretical and applied work. These are social scientists who also get their hands dirty by interacting with and helping people directly. In the box seats are the theoretical minds who study and research to mine out the knowledge the people on the floor use to help humans.

The Thing-Oriented Arena
Walk across the street and that arena is full of technical experts, such as accountants, engineers, architects, designers — people who have been trained in a specific technical craft. These are people who are influencing systems and arranging “things” to make them more efficient. They create stuff, design things, and build objects. They explore why things work the way they do and the constructs behind them. These might also include supply-chain people, consultants, biologists, pathologists, mathematicians, and investment bankers. Once again, on the floor are those who work directly with the things. They create systems and organize them. They do graphic design, build buildings, and put blood samples on slides and look at them through microscopes. Higher up are those who create the theories that help the people on the floor do their work. They study, theorize, and identify the why, what, and how behind the systems.

Which one is more interesting to you? Which arena lights your fire? Are you more people-directed or object-directed?

Now, in fairness, all of these industries affect people. I get it. But in reality, some are more direct impact. Like, a teacher’s job is humans. An architects job is buildings that humans use. One is people-facing, the other is thing-facing with a net benefit for people.

Walk in the arena that interests you more.

Now look at the seats. Are you more driven to be in on the action? On the floor? Do you want to get in there and sweat and get your hands dirty alongside the subject of your work? No judgment here, by the way. Or are you more interested in a seat higher up where you have a larger, meta view. You can see the patterns, name them, debate them, and write about them?

Pick a seat. Try it out. Then, if you want to change seats, change seats! The best part about this arena is that you can move around and sit anywhere you want. You’re not confined to the seat you initially chose. That said, some seats might require more or different training than others. But you decide where you want to sit.

Not sure where to start? Just pick a seat. Try it out. If you’ve got a more theoretical mind or a knack for pattern-recognition, you’ll know it fairly quickly. If you’d rather be on the ground creating, you’ll know it.

All this said, the key here is to pick the right arena from the outset.

Too many people pick the wrong arena from the outset, then spend their career changing seats looking for something that doesn’t exist. These are the accountant who would rather teach or the customer service rep who loves biology. They walked into the wrong arena altogether.

If you’re in the wrong arena, is there hope? Of course. Always. That’s why I wrote RESET.

But if you choose the right arena from the beginning, you’ll save yourself the hassle of leaving the arena, finding a new parking spot across the street, buying a ticket and finding your seat.

Choose your arena.

I was talking with my Dad this past weekend about entrepreneurship and what it takes to build a business. He said the great appeal of any business is to be great at two of the following three attributes:

• Speed – providing a product or service more quickly or efficiently than competitors
• Quality – providing a higher quality product than one could buy elsewhere
• Price – providing a product or service at a less expensive, more competitive price than the market

 
The general thinking is that you can’t do all three. That said, he has sustained his graphic design business doing all three – providing high quality design, always meeting or beating deadlines, and at a competitive price. He may not come in cheapest, but he’ll always be competitive.
 
I tend to strive for the same – providing high quality leadership training and career coaching on deadline and at a competitive -- if not under -- market price.

What's your focus? Do you know? Get clear about it yourself. then put it front and center. Let your customers know the value you bring.

Act.

Take action. Do something. Make progress. Don't wait for a perfect opportunity or ideal product. Just take action and see what happens and  how you feel as you start moving.

Whether you're launching a business or resetting your career, the key is to keep moving forward. I've worked with folks who want to fine-tune a product to death or overanalyze a career move but the answer is really fairly simple. Make a choice, take a step, and see what happens.

To this end, I've felt stuck for some time on some survey data I got from readers almost a year ago.

They said this:

• We are mostly in our 30s with a few 20-year-olds who are ahead of the curve and a few 40 and 50 year-olds who believe it's never too late! (Guess what, you're right!)
• We want a workshop to address how to figure out our next career move, fight fear, navigate the money situation, take care of our families while RESETTING, and make the best decision for our future (even if that means staying put and job crafting)
• We want it live -- not recorded, not written, and not lame
• We want to connect with others doing the same thing and hear success stories
• We could probably dedicate an hour of our attention
• We don't know what it's worth to us, but we're interested

Not knowing what to do, I did nothing. Then, three weeks ago, I decided to put something together. It's not perfect or polished, but it's something. I'm giving it everything I've got and hoping it adds value.

This Wednesday, November 30 at 8pm CST I'll be convening a one-hour webinar to talk through the RESET process. Free. For as many people as want to join. We're calling it "New Year, New Career." Sign up is below.

​https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/6550652063235945218

More than anything, though, I hope you take away from this post this truth:

Nothing happens unless you move. So take action and move.